In Memory of Susan Denise Atkins-Whitehouse

Are We Just Numb
One of the most important, and significant passages
in any of Susan's writings
appears in her work
Child of Satan, Child of God.
The passage is a paragraph of only two sentences in length,
but packs a punch that will knock
the reader off their chair,
if the reader considers the significance
of what Susan is saying;
her realization.
At this time, Susan had been apprehended,
and had been booked on suspicion.
Susan was taken to Sybil Brand Institute,
the women's house of detention in Los Angeles,
and this was to be Susan's home for the next 22 months.
(To truly experience, and appreciate,
the full impact of this paragraph,
it's important that Susan's entire book be read.)
One of the most important, and significant passages
in any of Susan's writings
appears in her work
Child of Satan, Child of God.
The passage is a paragraph of only two sentences in length,
but packs a punch that will knock
the reader off their chair,
if the reader considers the significance
of what Susan is saying;
her realization.
At this time, Susan had been apprehended,
and had been booked on suspicion.
Susan was taken to Sybil Brand Institute,
the women's house of detention in Los Angeles,
and this was to be Susan's home for the next 22 months.
(To truly experience, and appreciate,
the full impact of this paragraph,
it's important that Susan's entire book be read.)
The paragraph reads as follows:
"I wasn't going to have to run anymore,
dig holes in the sides of the hills,
or watch for police airplanes.
Deep inside, I was very afraid,
yet strangely,
I was relieved"
Susan was relieved.
How vile and revolting Susan's life was for her
to come to the realization that she was actually
able to find some comfort in being imprisoned!
That Susan found this as relief from the life she was living;
that Susan's escape from the hell of her life,
was prison.
Make no mistake, Susan was scared.
Susan had her wits about her enough to be,
and also to know this was the end of the road for her.
"I wasn't going to have to run anymore,
dig holes in the sides of the hills,
or watch for police airplanes.
Deep inside, I was very afraid,
yet strangely,
I was relieved"
Susan was relieved.
How vile and revolting Susan's life was for her
to come to the realization that she was actually
able to find some comfort in being imprisoned!
That Susan found this as relief from the life she was living;
that Susan's escape from the hell of her life,
was prison.
Make no mistake, Susan was scared.
Susan had her wits about her enough to be,
and also to know this was the end of the road for her.

It's quite sobering, and saddening,
that a person's life can be so foul,
and in such chaos,
that being imprisoned might help
to bring structure and normalcy into their life.
That Susan's life was so devoid of it before,
that these necessities may be found
by Susan in a prison environment;
a welcome environment,
in comparison to the hell she was living.
But Susan was one of a kind, wasn't she,
in the purest form of the expression.
Susan's situation was unique, in the most profound sense,
wasn't it.
From our perspective,
it's a sad reckoning and admission by Susan that
incarceration calmed her turmoil.
But again, as Susan said, she was "relieved."
Are we happy for Susan?
Are we sad for Susan?
Or are we just numb...
home
that a person's life can be so foul,
and in such chaos,
that being imprisoned might help
to bring structure and normalcy into their life.
That Susan's life was so devoid of it before,
that these necessities may be found
by Susan in a prison environment;
a welcome environment,
in comparison to the hell she was living.
But Susan was one of a kind, wasn't she,
in the purest form of the expression.
Susan's situation was unique, in the most profound sense,
wasn't it.
From our perspective,
it's a sad reckoning and admission by Susan that
incarceration calmed her turmoil.
But again, as Susan said, she was "relieved."
Are we happy for Susan?
Are we sad for Susan?
Or are we just numb...
home