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In Memory of Susan Denise Atkins-Whitehouse

Hurt to Read

Throughout Susan's writings,
Susan often wrote passages that could be
difficult for the reader to comprehend,
in that Susan's life, at times,
could be difficult to comprehend,
as Susan chronicles her life in her works.

There are moments in
Susan's writings that hurt to read,
because Susan's written work can sometimes be heartbreaking.

---

In Susan's works,
she tells us about her early days
after being entered onto death row.
Susan continues in a heartrending passage;

"...'So this is it until I die​.' 
By then, I had pretty well settled the matter in my head.
I was ready to pay
​for the crimes I had committed.
I was ready to die
​ in the gas chamber as prescribed,
and I didn't care when they took me.
My only thoughts about it were
whether my knees would buckle at the last minute
and I'd have to be carried in.  

---

I also wondered what I'd say at the end.
I had no expectation of survival.
I was scared and confused, but not about the gas chamber.
It centered on my aloneness.
I had betrayed humanity,
I had betrayed my colleagues,
and I had betrayed myself.
There was no one left.
​My alienation was complete..."

(From Child of Satan Child of God
by Susan Atkins
​with Bob Slosser)

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